Should You Call Out His Double Life?

THE QUESTION: After several unfortunate experiences, your good friend Joe seems happy in a new relationship with Anne, whom he thinks may be the one. During a lunch break, he shows you her picture and raves about how great she is. You immediately recognize her as the wife of another good friend Tony, who calls you a few hours later and says, “John, I need your advice. My wife is acting weird around me and the kids. I fear that she may be seeing someone else.” You don’t want to be the bearer of bad news or start trouble with any of your friends.



A. You tell Joe that Anne is married, and he should stop seeing her. She is not as great as he thinks.

B. You tell Tony, as gently as you can, that you are aware that his wife is cheating on him.

C. You tell Joe that Anne is married to Tony, and you are obliged to tell him about her cheating.

D. You are concerned about damaging your friendships, so you decide not to say anything to Joe or Tony.



I picked C: You tell Joe that Anne is married to Tony, and you are obliged to tell him about her cheating.


In this Dilemma my first thought is who’s responsible for creating the situation: Anne. Anne is the one leading a double life and causing harm to Joe and Tony. If possible, I would like to confront Anne and give her the opportunity to come clean before reveling any of her secrets. Unfortunately, maybe John doesn’t have a relationship with Anne. So what then?


Next I thought what values I like to uphold: Honesty is one of them. I feel obligated to tell Joe what I know. I would encourage Joe to press Anne to come clean with her husband Tony as well.


Well, what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Let me know your answer and why in the comments below.


Dilemmas are a powerful way to improve your life now by testing your values. Keep discovering your values by answering more dilemmas here.